There are 276 approved (and 1 pending) quotes in 15 categories.
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I like clothes and make-up, I like the transformation… But a lot of men had problems. It’s one of those strange things. A man will go, ‘You fucking queer.’ And you just think, ‘Well, your girlfriend fancies me.’
When I was 13 I told my dad I’d rather kill myself than do an ordinary job. He vaguely muttered something about how I’d need to earn a living somehow, but he’s been totally behind me, forking out money he didn’t really have to send me to university. Every other comedian I’ve met had to fight their parents to be allowed to do this but mine have been brilliant.
I run a business and the numbers just don't add up, let me explain, this is the number 2, he owns a coffee shop, and this is the number 9, 9 is a customer, right? One day 9 goes in and 2 goes 'I don't have a coffee house no more, I have a knife fighting academy.' And number 9 goes 'I want coffee' and number 2 goes 'NO! I'm gunna slice you and learn how to slice others' And 9 goes 'I can't, I gotta get out of here' and 2 goes 'I'VE LOCKED THE DOOR' Anyway that means I can't put you on the bill.